Friday, April 10, 2009

i ginosko... do you ginosko?

There are some words in the English language that are limited. Take these words out of context and their intent is lost. Even in context, sometimes they fall short. When we speak, these are the words we italicize with our voices.

The word "know" is one of these words. In English we use "know" to cover a few different bases. In Greek, there are two distinct words to represent the different significance of "know". The first is ginosko. Ginosko means to know by experience. The second is oida. Oida means to know by perception or observation. This may seem like splitting hairs, but think about giving birth, for example. You can study the birthing process and watch a woman give birth and gain a good handle on the experience. However, unless you yourself have given birth to a baby, your knowledge is limited to oida. The new mom, on the other hand, has ginosko knowledge of birth.

Up until today, Countrymouse has only had an oida knowledge of colonoscopy. I, conversely, have a very ginosko knowledge. He's dutifully endured my whining about the prep and has always taken me for my procedures, but secretly I knew he thought I was just being *a girl*. When he scheduled his procedure, part of me smirked because I thought I'd be vindicated.

Well, guess what? The following is a pictorial aid that explains the differences in our digestive systems.

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I think this pretty much sums things up.

If I were more of a conspiratist, I would have known something was up when Countrymouse's prep was much tamer than mine. He is seeing my guy's partner, so maybe they have different protocols they follow... hmmmm.

One of the funniest pieces I have ever read was Dave Barry's column on his own colonoscopy. Mind you, I read this with ginosko knowledge; I almost peed from laughing so hard. Even now, looking at it again, I can hardly read it aloud to Countrymouse without cracking up.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

If you haven't guessed, it's the prep that I find so awful. The fact that you become one with the toilet or have some guy stick a tube a mile up your hiney or that you have to fast for a day or two before the procedure doesn't bother me. I had my last colonoscopy about 10 months ago and just the memory of the way the prep solution tastes is (literally) enough to make me ill. No joke... and I'm a pretty tough cookie.

Countrymouse had the nerve to tell me the prep solution didn't taste bad at all! He took two laxative tablets last night, which pretty much took care of most of the job, and has spent today just hanging out reading. I actually took the day off from work, just in case he needed me. (What was I thinking?) Countrymouse's only complaint is that he hasn't been able to eat solid food for the past 30 hours. He was so cranky about not eating that he went to bed last night at 8:00 so he wouldn't have to think about not eating. He has spent all morning dreaming of hot fried chicken and coleslaw. Sometimes life just isn't fair.

The real truth is, I am proud of him for getting this done. Colonoscopy is relatively a pretty easy procedure, yet so many people put it off. No one wants to talk about their nether regions and they definitely don't want to talk about their bathroom habits. All I can say is, get over it. Everyone poops. Like Dave Barry, colorectal cancer reared it's ugly head in my family. My body is fertile ground for just about everything you can think of... babies (the only good thing I grow), polyps, fibroids, cancer cells, adenomas, cysts... If it weren't for WC Brother's experience, who knows what would growing in my colon today. Yearly colonoscopies are not my favorite thing to do, but I do them.

Dave Barry used his wit to talk about colonoscopy, but he ended his piece on a serious note:

But my point is this: In addition to being a pathetic medical weenie, I was a complete moron. For more than a decade I avoided getting a procedure that was, essentially, nothing. There was no pain and, except for the MoviPrep, no discomfort. I was risking my life for nothing.
I am not meek when it comes to talking about colonoscopy. I don't talk about it in code words or a hushed voice. There should be no embarrassment associated with it. I suppose this is one of my causes... my missions. Just call me Gastro Girl!

UPDATE: In case you wondered, Countrymouse passed his colonoscopy with flying colors. His doc said he did a great job on his prep. We stopped by KFC on the way home.

1 comment:

  1. stepping up to soapbox

    /end soapbox

    Glad all is well. I hope he enjoyed the chicken :)


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